“Don’t Watch Me!” — Why Parkinson’s Can Make Things Harder When Someone Is Waiting
You know how to do it.
You have done it hundreds — perhaps thousands — of times before.
Then somebody stands there watching you.
And suddenly it becomes much harder.
You are trying to put your PIN into a card machine while people wait behind you.
Your fingers don’t seem to cooperate.
You are fastening a button while your partner stands ready to help.
The button suddenly feels impossible.
You are signing your name while somebody watches from the other side of the counter.
Your handwriting becomes worse.
You are trying to get out of a chair while everybody else is already standing.
Now your body seems even less willing to move.
For some people living with Parkinson’s, there can be an enormous difference between doing something in their own time and doing exactly the same thing while somebody is watching, waiting or urging them to hurry.
Most of Us Recognise the Feeling
This isn’t unique to Parkinson’s.
Most people perform some tasks differently when they know they’re being watched.
Think about trying to reverse into a parking space while another driver waits.
Suddenly you’re thinking about every movement.
You become aware of the person behind you.
You imagine their impatience.
You rush.
And something you normally do without much thought becomes strangely awkward.
Parkinson’s can add another layer to that experience because many movements may already require more conscious attention than they once did.
Movement May Already Require Concentration
One of the things Parkinson’s can change is the automatic nature of movement.
Actions that once seemed to happen without thought may require more deliberate attention.
Standing.
Starting to walk.
Turning.
Reaching.
Using cutlery.
Fastening clothing.
Writing.
Handling money.
If somebody is already concentrating on the mechanics of a task, becoming aware that another person is waiting creates an additional demand on their attention.
Now they aren’t only thinking:
“Do this.”
They may also be thinking:
“They’re waiting for me.”
“I’m taking too long.”
“They’re watching.”
“I need to hurry.”
That internal conversation can make an already demanding task feel considerably harder.
The Card Machine Moment
A shop checkout provides a perfect example.
You need to get your card out.
Perhaps put it into the machine.
Remember the PIN.
Press relatively small buttons.
Remove the card.
Put it back into your wallet.
Put the wallet away.
Meanwhile, the cashier is waiting.
The next customer is waiting.
Perhaps somebody is already moving their shopping towards you.
A task that would be straightforward at home suddenly has an audience and a time limit.
For somebody experiencing tremor, stiffness, slowness of movement or dexterity difficulties, that pressure may be particularly unwelcome.
And saying:
“Take your time.”
while visibly waiting for them to finish doesn’t always remove the pressure.
Trying to Help Can Accidentally Create More Pressure
This happens at home too.
Imagine someone with Parkinson’s is trying to put on a coat.
Their partner sees them struggling.
So they stand nearby.
Ready.
Watching.
Waiting to step in.
The intention is completely kind.
But the person putting on the coat may now feel they are performing the task under observation.
They know help is about to arrive if they take too long.
That can create another kind of pressure:
“I need to do this quickly or they’ll do it for me.”
Sometimes the most useful help is not immediate help.
It is being available without hovering.
Independence Doesn’t Have a Stopwatch
This is an important point.
We often measure whether somebody can do something independently.
Can they dress themselves?
Can they make a drink?
Can they pay at the checkout?
Can they get into the car?
But there is another question:
How much time are we allowing them to do it?
If somebody can fasten their own shirt in five minutes but another person takes over after thirty seconds, are they unable to dress independently?
Or were they simply not given enough time?
If somebody can stand from a chair themselves but needs a few moments to prepare and initiate the movement, do they need to be pulled up?
Or do they need patience?
Doing something slowly is still doing it.
Being Rushed Can Affect More Than Movement
Pressure doesn’t only occur during physical tasks.
It can happen during conversation too.
Someone asks a question.
The person with Parkinson’s begins answering.
There is a pause.
The listener waits.
The pause feels uncomfortable.
So the listener asks another question.
Or suggests the word.
Or finishes the sentence.
Again, the intention is usually helpful.
But now the person who was speaking has another piece of information to process.
Sometimes silence is not a sign that a conversation has stopped.
It is simply part of the conversation.
Stress Can Make Some Parkinson’s Symptoms More Noticeable
People living with Parkinson’s often report that symptoms can feel more noticeable when they are stressed, anxious or under pressure.
Tremor may become more apparent for some people.
Movement may feel more difficult.
Freezing can be affected by stressful or demanding situations for some individuals.
Speech may become harder.
Concentration can suffer.
This varies enormously from person to person, and not everyone with Parkinson’s will experience the same response.
But it helps explain an experience that can otherwise seem puzzling:
“You did this perfectly well earlier. Why are you struggling now?”
The task may be identical.
The circumstances aren’t.
Sometimes the Audience Is the Problem
Imagine somebody has difficulty getting through a doorway because of freezing.
Now imagine several people are standing behind them waiting to pass.
They know they’re holding everybody up.
Someone says:
“Come on.”
Another says:
“Just take a step.”
Someone reaches for their arm.
Suddenly there are instructions, physical contact, pressure and several pairs of eyes focused on one movement.
That may be the opposite of what the person needs.
If you know somebody who experiences freezing, it is worth asking them — at a calm time — what they would like you to do when it happens.
Different people may use different strategies, and advice from a physiotherapist or Parkinson’s specialist can be useful where freezing is affecting mobility.
“Do You Want Help?” Is Better Than Simply Taking Over
There is a simple question that can preserve a surprising amount of independence:
“Would you like some help?”
Not:
“Here, give it to me.”
Not automatically grabbing the person’s arm.
Not taking the object from their hand.
Ask.
The answer might be:
“Yes, please.”
Or:
“Not yet.”
Both answers matter.
Somebody may want to try for another thirty seconds before accepting assistance.
That thirty seconds may seem insignificant to the person waiting.
To the person with Parkinson’s, it may represent maintaining control over another small part of everyday life.
Public Spaces Could Give People More Time
This isn’t only about friends and families.
Businesses and services can create unnecessary time pressure too.
Card machines time out.
Self-service checkouts demand immediate responses.
Ticket machines present several screens in quick succession.
Queues build behind people.
Doors close automatically.
Staff may assume hesitation means somebody doesn’t understand what they’re doing.
Good accessibility isn’t always about adding another piece of equipment.
Sometimes it means designing a service that doesn’t punish people for taking longer.
Don’t Mistake Pressure for Inability
This may be the most important message.
If somebody struggles with a task while you are watching, don’t automatically conclude they can no longer do it.
Try changing the circumstances.
Give them space.
Reduce distractions.
Stop providing a running commentary.
Don’t keep reminding them that everyone is waiting.
Let them approach the task in their own way.
Then see what happens.
You may discover that the ability was there all along.
What was missing was enough time to use it.
There Is a Difference Between Supporting and Supervising
Supporting somebody means being available when you’re needed.
Supervising can feel like waiting for them to fail.
Of course there are situations where safety means somebody genuinely needs close assistance.
Parkinson’s affects everyone differently, and falls or other risks must be taken seriously.
But where it is safe to do so, allowing somebody the opportunity to complete a task themselves can matter enormously.
Because independence isn’t simply about whether another person is physically capable of helping you.
It is about whether you still have the opportunity to do what you can for yourself.
Sometimes the Kindest Thing Is to Look Away
There is a strange contradiction in helping.
We see someone struggling, so naturally we focus our attention on them.
We watch more closely.
We prepare to intervene.
We offer suggestions.
We ask whether they’re okay.
And sometimes all of that attention makes the task harder.
Perhaps occasionally the better response is:
Give them a moment.
Continue the conversation.
Look somewhere else.
Let them know there’s no rush.
And mean it.
Because someone with Parkinson’s may not need you to do the task for them.
They may simply need you to stop making it feel like a test.
Independence doesn’t have a stopwatch.
Hullbridge Parkinson’s Cafe is a friendly, informal community for people living with Parkinson’s, their partners, families and carers.
We meet at Hullbridge Free Church, 47–48 Lower Road, Hullbridge, Essex SS5 6DF, on the first and third Tuesday of every month from 11:00am–1:00pm.
No booking is required and new faces are always welcome.
If changes in movement, freezing, anxiety or difficulties completing everyday activities are becoming a problem, speak with an appropriate healthcare professional, Parkinson’s specialist, physiotherapist or occupational therapist for individual advice.
“`